swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
