Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
