The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize