he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
