Someone shit on the floor
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
