i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
