Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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