we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize