it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
