having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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