so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
