I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
