She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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