great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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