you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
