i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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