I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
