I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
