My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize