MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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