If that was your dad, he is hot
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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