Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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