I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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