I think i peed on brittanys purse
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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