take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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