An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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