I look better un-naked...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
