i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
