And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
