That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
