CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
