This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
