i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
