How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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