Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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