Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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