You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize