around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
