She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
