if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
