Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
