KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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