You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
