Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
