no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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