Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
