I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
