my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize