so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
