I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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