yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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