check it out our google latitudes are spooning
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
