My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
