Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
