I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
