i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
