You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
