I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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