I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
