we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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