Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
