what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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