I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
