bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
