the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
