I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize