she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
