with your own penis?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
