you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize