My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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