Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Less talking, more tequila
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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