i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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